I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
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And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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