You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
