I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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