Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
