just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Why did my mother make you get naked?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
