I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
