Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
