If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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