do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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