How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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