I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
