Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
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