If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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