it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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