i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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