i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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