Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
