i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
