I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
