Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
