Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
