I like my sex mixed with concussions.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
