last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
did i walk over a car last night?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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