so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
