So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
