I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
