No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
