Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
