just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Did I show you my penis last night?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
