oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
