i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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