if only i could text you this smell
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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