Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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