Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
