Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
