Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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