oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
