no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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