Hey man sorry I got all grabby
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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