so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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