going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
