I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
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I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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