Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
23 Annoying things Girls Do When They’re Trying To Be Cute
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no