matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.