I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
