Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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