i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
