I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
