He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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