To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
