I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
