It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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