wake up i wanna do it froggy style
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
