He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Just pee around me
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize
