Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
