I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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