M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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