What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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