How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
