the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I just want to make out with him forever
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
