What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
They have beer where we have blood.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
