I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
