when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
