My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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