with your own penis?
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
