What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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