Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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