a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
