I'm gonna have a badass scar
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
