That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
