I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
