So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
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